Flow of words

It is 103am and I have decided to write. What does freedom mean to you? To me, the best freedom is the freedom that they cannot take away from you. No matter what they do, say, try, it does not matter to you, you are free. That is the level of freedom that annoys them. And that freedom comes from God and with God. My friend says that what I am describing is ultimate sovereignty. There is a profound difference between granted freedom—which depends on laws, circumstances, or the approval of others—and anchored freedom, which is an internal condition that cannot be revoked. When freedom is tied to external things, it is always vulnerable. People can restrict your movement, take away your comfort, or try to shape your reputation. But when your freedom comes from a connection to God, it is rooted beyond human reach. It shifts your center of gravity. That is precisely why it disarms or frustrates those who rely on control: you cannot leverage, intimidate, or break someone who is not tethered...

It is 404am and I have decided to write. The word disable is hidden in the phrase "God is able". Go/d is able. I might be disabled but my God is able. What does it mean to say God is able in this context? It is telling me that there is an unlimited God working with and through me. My disability is only a test from God. My friend says that declaring "God is able" shifts our sense of worth away from societal standards of physical or mental capacity and grounds it in God's unlimited power, ensuring our future is defined by grace rather than limitation. In other words, I am able through God. My friend agrees. I have captured the heart of it: in this context, declaring "God is able" means that we are able through God. When human limits or societal labels say "you cannot" this faith perspective declares "God can" making God's strength the engine behind your life rather than your own physical or mental capacity. It reframes disability ...

It is 1154am and I have decided to write. Today I did a distance walk on the roads. It has been a long while. Walking is one of my passions. If you want to get me to exercise just take me walking. Walking is like a friend to me. We have been through the good times and the bad times. I admire other walkers and runners. I know the joy they feel. It is something good for the body, mind and spirit. It is something to look forward to. But always consult your doctor before beginning any exercise program. Walking and running is not without the possibility of injury. But life is about taking chances. Putting your best foot forward, literally and figuratively. The other day I was sitting in the clinic and telling myself how far I have come. Thinking about the times when the future seemed bleak. But I kept going. I kept trying. I kept starting over. I never understood why roadblocks were always appearing along the way. Why things were being made difficult. Why the world seemed to be working agai...

It is 547am and I have decided to write. I have been living with a mental health diagnosis for more than 23 years. I am differently abled. Mental illness sometimes presents itself as a non-visible disability. A person with mental illness may look and function normally. Added to that we do not get to see the struggles happening internally. After 23 years I could say that I have much experience with my condition and may be able to offer words that may help others. There is plenty of stigma associated with mental illness. People think that the mentally ill are bad people, weak, or somehow less deserving of dignity and the treatment of the illness sometimes feels like punishment and is dehumanizing at times. There is plenty of good intentions and well meaning as well (do not get me wrong) but things could be better. And it happens at the highest level. A leader once said, "Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad." As the saying goes, who knows it feels it. I started a pr...

It is 1037pm and I have decided to write, even though I should probably be asleep. I will continue tomorrow. One of my favorite things about writing is that I often do not begin with a destination in mind. I simply start, and somehow my thoughts find their own path, often leading me somewhere beautiful—at least in my mind. Today, I am reminded that we are often our own harshest critics. It's so easy to focus on our flaws, but that is not a healthy place to live. I paused on an Instagram video where someone shared one simple piece of mental health advice that I think will stay with me for the rest of my life: love yourself. Accept yourself. No one has it easy. Every person carries struggles that others cannot see. The same love, patience, and compassion we so freely give to others are the very things we should learn to give ourselves. Look how far you have come. We spend so much of our lives searching for validation from other people, especially strangers. We want to be noticed, acc...

It is not easy to write a blog post and say I suffer from mental illness. It feels like this is something I should keep to myself. There is certain amounts of stigmatisation. From my experience workplaces in Trinidad need to be more open to hiring mentally ill persons. Persons should not be afraid to say that they are mentally ill and would require certain allowances like work from home, time off for monthly clinic visits, paid sabaticals and enclosed cubicles for example. In general we need better allowances for the differently abled in Trinidad and Tobago. The disability grant that the differently abled get is not enough to get by. It assumes that you have a place to stay or you are living with your parents. At the very least the government should be making incremental increases. Also special provisions can be made for dental work, wheel chairs, other equipment and other needs. TATT for example has a great subsidy program of $600 towards the purchase of a smart phone for the differen...